It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
