Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
