Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
