Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
