I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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