I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
