Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
