Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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