Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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