THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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