i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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