Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
