Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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