Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize