No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
