ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i think we sleep fucked last night...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
