The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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