So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
