I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
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I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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