i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
