We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
