Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
