Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
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You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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