party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
