I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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