Ambien. No doubt about it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
