Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
