Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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