see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
