Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
