If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
