Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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