Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
