since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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