I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
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You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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