i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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