I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
