if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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