Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
