I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
