Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
