apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
