he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
