i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
