so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
