i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
