I am puke
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
