Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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