You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
