Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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