Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
