Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
