Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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