Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize