no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
