i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
