I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
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I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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