so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
