Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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