Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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