My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize