My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize