He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize