Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
They took my balls.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
