I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
