I think I am morally bankrupt
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
