is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
