Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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