And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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