I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Send help, water and tortillas.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
