bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize